WORKING BELIEFS OF MOST EPISCOPALIANS

  1. Episcopalians occasionally believe in miracles and sometimes even expect them, particularly during stewardship canvasses or when electing bishops or vicars, or recruiting church school teachers.
  2. Episcopalians believe in ecumenical dialogue because they are certain that after all is said and done, everyone else is bound to be an Episcopalian.
  3. Episcopalians strongly believe in Scripture, tradition and reason. While they aren't sure what they believe about these three things, there is almost universal agreement that this is hardly the point.
  4. Episcopalians believe that everything in their life and faith is improved by the presence of good food and drink, not including lime-carrot Jell-o-o, tropical punch Kool-Aid, or canned tuna fish in any form.
  5. Episcopalians believe that anything work doing is especially worth doing if it has an obscure title attached to it - for example: dean, sexton, thurifer, suffragan, canon.
  6. Likewise, Episcopalians believe that any place worth visiting is greatly enhanced by a name that only obliquely describes it - for example, narthex, nave, sacristy, undercroft, church school supply room.
  7. Episcopalians firmly believe that coffee hour is the eighth sacrament, but only if the coffee is caffeinated.
  8. Episcopalians believe that anthems are most efficacious if sung in Latin or German, especially during Lent.
  9. Episcopalians generally believe that they are the only people God trusts to take summers off from church.
  10. Some Episcopalians believe Rite I is the best expression of the liturgy. Some believe that Rite II is better. Most Episcopalians haven't noticed the difference: they just hope the whole thing gets over before noon.

 

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