What it Means to Be

Connected to Nothing

When I say I am completely alone, I mean it sometimes feels that way -- that I am unattached, unprotected, and totally without support. So many people believe so differently than I do that I feel radically detached from them all -- so unlike any one of them.

Yet, it may be that I am wholly in error here, that it is in fact impossible for me -- or anyone else -- to be "unattached" to (or from) every single person or thing, or to be totally "unprotected" -- completely "unsupported" by even one, regardless how large or small. I say this because I choose to believe we are actually all somehow connected -- if not to any one "thing" -- at least to each other -- or, at the very least, to one other person, whoever they may be, and however unknown to us they might really be. Still, even while this belief obtains, the feeling of aloneness remains, with loneliness still pervading.

But, even to feel thus attached (to all) seems so similar to being totally unattached, I swear that I feel connected to nothing at all. My entire cognitive being insists that nothing else exists, finally, for I have no proof to the contrary; only that all my other senses have guessed at it, for whatever reason. Rationally, having no external tactile certainty begets believing in all nonexistence beyond my being as far as my brain is concerned. But, in fact, logic demands my certitude in deciding otherwise -- for the desperation wrought by the certain loneliness forces it, attempting to prove it wrong, wholly or in part. The utter despair so extant in this feeling must be that which Sören Kierkegaard has suggested as being the "sickness unto death."

In this despair, the thought of death -- as a means of possible escape -- just to find any means of escape from the totally abandoned feelings therein (which are so overwhelmingly, dishearteningly enervative) now becomes so desirable, and so rapidly sought after.

And, it seems rather impossible to imagine something being worse than this, yet being somehow bearable. In fact, I would argue that finding oneself to be in this state, ones ego would surrender all hope, yield to any temptation, and disappear completely, no longer being any form of self-governing force.

I -- or any other true victim of these feelings -- would be at the complete mercy of whatever force (or forces) that seemed at play at the time. They would take absolute control (if that be their intent) -- even the person=s soul or perceived higher self would be vanquished by the utter dismay one would suffer. For, to hope for that beyond oneself in light of an empty present is folly, indeed.

Soulless, without courage or the will to struggle, the person would vegetate and eventually die . . . instantly becoming once again attached to all the non-living materials that surround us at all times. Thus, the loneliness would be defeated, finally, but without any sense of victory being possible for the now deceased, no longer cognitive person in question.

However, were the case never taken where we would feel so unattached or separated, we would still be in error, for we are, in fact, quite separate from all else. Our being, however dependent on at least some external nourishment(s) -- either in the case of physical food and water, or that which satisfies the mind or spirit, as it may be -- it would be still separated, else it would not require the nourishment(s) from without itself. For, if attached, the supply lines of said nourishment(s) would always exist, and would, therefore, be constantly operative. So, we must conclude that the feeling of separation is, in fact, real, and the reverse of that, fallacious.

But, NO! We must look again, beyond these real feelings, for the separation, per se, cannot be real. The existence of nothingness (absurd!) in our reality, is neither understandable nor acceptable to our rationality. We must conclude, therefore, that we are, inseparably connected to that which we at times consider being "nothingness," and this is simply because the nothingness that we sense is, in some way, different from what we believe it "ought to be." So, we must rethink this -- our personal concept of how Life is or behaves -- and accept this other, the Real reality. Survival dictates this . . . and I would dare guess . . . so does God!

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